Debbie Down-But-Not-Out

So. Today happened.

Mom’s car shot craps last week, so she’s got my van and will be bringing it back on Thanksgiving. No problem, I figured, since I don’t usually go anywhere during the day, so Moon Man can take our car to work and I can just chill here at the house.

Except tonight’s menu calls for shepherd’s pie–got the lamb all defrosted and everything–and I realized I didn’t have any veggies except some sad old celery and the potatoes for the topping.

No problem, I figured; the grocery store is about a mile away, and a mile is a totally reasonable walking distance, and the weather is quite nice.

Except that somewhere in the last year I lost all my motivation to exercise and started eating everything that didn’t move out of my way fast enough. We did the Paleo thing for a while, with the idea that we would splurge on weekends, but it didn’t take very long for “weekend” to be defined as “starting sometime Friday and ending when the last of the leftovers were gone, usually on Monday or Tuesday”. Pro tip: diets don’t work very well when you only do them three days a week–especially when the diet in question says you’re free to eat protein and fats and only have to cut out carbs. But setbacks be damned; I was going to walk to the store.

No problem, I figured; I’ll just get my exercise clothes on and walk to the store.

Except that as a result of my “eat everything, exercise not at all” plan I’ve gained enough weight–and girth–that most of my exercise clothes don’t fit right anymore. I tried on everything in the closet and everything in the drawers and had a minor meltdown when I realized that the one thing that fit the best was my shoes, and even they never really fit exactly right in the first place.

No problem, I figured; I’ll decide to stride out boldly in my ill-fitting clothes, because if people want to judge me, then that’s fine–I know that these clothes will fit better if I keep at the exercise, and I’ve exercised five out of the last 7 days, so I’m on the way to something here, and if passersby are smart, they’ll be able to see that I’m wearing ill-fitting exercise clothes while I exercise, which is the only way to make them fit better, and they will applaud me.

Except that getting into said exercise clothes turned out to be a minor crisis when I discovered that I have gotten so fat and non-flexible that putting on my socks required weird yoga and tying my shoes involved a certain amount of hopping.

No problem, I figured; the people on Biggest Loser come from this exact place and get all healthy and stuff, and if they can do it, I can do it. Heck, that one guy started at over 500 pounds. He had to lose an entire person just to get down to my starting point. I’ve got this.

Except that they have trainers and stuff, and I have only my shame and my determination to get me going.

No problem, I figured; shame and determination have worked plenty well for plenty of people, so off I go.

…So off I went, and made it to the store in a very reasonable 20 minutes, and got the veggies, and made it back home in a very reasonable 20 minutes, and came inside and let the dogs out and got out of my exercise clothes and got some water.

…And heard dog tags jingling in the front yard

And went to the backyard

And discovered that the gate was open

Because we never did fix the latch when it broke a coupla months ago and the bungee cord holding it closed had finally given up the ghost

…So I went to the front yard, chased down the smaller dog while the larger dog started planning his escape route

And he’s a “flight risk”–we adopted him from a shelter where he’d been brought as a stray

And he’s never quite got the lure of the open road out of his system

And he’s not very good about coming when he’s called

And I don’t have a vehicle to go chase him down

And I was all tired from my walk to and from the store

…So I took the smaller dog inside and stood right inside the screen door and gave him skritches and loud praise, because the bigger dog is deeply jealous and cannot bear the thought of anyone else getting lovins

And it worked

And the larger dog barreled in the door

And got skritches and praise

…So while today technically counts as a victory, because I exercised and walked to the store and back and the dogs did not run away forever, it still feels a lot like a crappy, crappy afternoon

And Thanksgiving is in eight days

And we haven’t gotten a turkey yet

And right now I’m not feeling very thankful.

No problem, I figure; there’s always tomorrow, when I can try this whole damned thing again.

Thank goodness.

I heart Anne Shirley.



Filed under General Musings and Meanderings, Play Nicely

8 responses to “Debbie Down-But-Not-Out

  1. I totally hear that this felt like a crappy afternoon, and yet…you absolutely triumphed with The Productive and The Smart. Wear it well my friend.

    • I reckon this whole thing speaks to the chasm between objective and subjective reality. Objectively, yeah, I kinda was a rock star that day, what with all the Productive and the Smart; subjectively it was ZOMG FULL OF BADZ0RZ. But now that I’m out from under the moment, it’s also all kinda hilarious. I mean, really, “sweaty lady with strangely static-y workout pants arrives home with groceries and then immediately has to chase down dogs while ‘Eastbound and Down’ plays inevitably in the background” is pretty much just begging to be part of a sitcom episode. 😀

  2. Don’t be so hard on yourself!! You still did it and that’s more than a lot of people can say in a day. Great post and stay motivated!

    • Thank you! 🙂 In retrospect, I suppose I should thank my heathen dogs for making me realize that while I was tired after exercising, I wasn’t dead–I could still go chase ’em down and wrangle ’em, so clearly I wasn’t quite as wiped out as I was trying to let myself believe I was. At the moment, though…yeah, it was just an awful lot of verbs for a single one-hour period. lol

  3. How was the shepherd’s pie?
    Ya done good today kiddo. Really!

    • Thanks, darlin’. We all know “those” days–the ones where you can look back objectively and say “actually, that’s at *least* a B+”, but at the time kinda make you weigh the merits of running away to live in a cave. Yeesh.

      The shepherd’s pie was delicioso. Yayyyyy for “take all these recipes and average them, and work from that”! 😀

  4. Sarah

    I was wondering how exercising was going since I hadn’t seen anything about it in awhile. I enjoyed reading about all the answers you had to that evil little voice inside all of us. Mine apparently wants me to watch stupid tv and play a lot of sudoku rather than get work done. Anyway, good for you. Sounds like a series of mini victories leading to success to me.

    • To be fair, I certainly do my fair share of watching stupid tv. Today during lunch, for instance, I watched a rerun of Little House on the Prairie (it was the episode where Mary has to get glasses and all the kids call her “Four Eyes”–poor Mary!–but she wins the history competition anyway). …Now that I think about it, that may have been part of what drove me out the door in my too-tight exercise clothes: if Mary can go to school despite the kids teasing her (y’know, ignoring the part of the episode where she hid her glasses for a while–I mean, I couldn’t very well hide my clothes and go naked), then surely I can go buy carrots. Surely. One would think.

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